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Over the holidays, I had a message from a former frenemy who is now a very dear friend. Our story goes something like this…. Bill not his real name , was someone I respected in the community. He was connected to teachers and colleagues I admired. Over the years, I started hearing reports about Bill spreading negative comments about me in the community. It hurt.

11 Signs Your Friend Is Actually Your "Frenemy" & You Should Tread Carefully

Still, I sent him referrals, clients of mine, because I acknowledge his gifts. One day, I sent a student of mine to him for healing. She literally came away weeping because there was so much negative commentary about our work and the lineage we are a part of throughout her session.

I kept hearing different things from different members of the community over time, and I just put my hurt on the back burner. Some time later, I got a call from one of my teachers. Bill had gotten sick very, very quickly and was in need of a miracle. My teacher had no idea what he was asking. No clue about my history with Bill. I had a decision to make: focus on the past or focus on my kuleana, responsibility?

I took a breath, brought in the HA- breath of spirit and made up my mind:. If spirit needed me to step in and hold a sacred space, then I was going to do it no matter what. I went there with complete aloha and love in my heart for him. I chanted and prayed for him. I supported my Kumu in whatever he needed of me in this time.

And for me, it was a deep healing on so many levels.

Here are ten warning signs of a frenemy:

Bill was able to come out of his illness after a long period of recovery right before they pulled the plug. After several weeks in the hospital, he was finally home and improving. And then…he fell down a set of stairs. After six weeks of laying in bed, barely able to move, he wrote to me.

Told me about his accident. How can I help you? Let me know when a good time is.

When I walked into a room, I saw a man who had once been very strong and vibrant and healthy, now definitely was in need of support on every level. He had lost a ton of weight. He had this horrible injury on his knee. Hooked up to a machine with a tracheotomy and definitely in a vulnerable state.

I determined to give my best. A salve comprised of awa to relax the area and dull the pain. I lovingly worked on him. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I replied with an offer to come again. The second time I went back, I had an opportunity to really do my work. We began to work through some of the spiritual and emotional aspects of what he had going on.

Why do you think you fell ill at a time when you were really on the road to a vibrant recovery? Bill shared with me that he had been really angry at his community. He was discouraged. Lashing out at the community in different ways.

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I got the lesson. I can see that you have changed. I just confirmed and acknowledged that he was a new man. I told him I loved this version of Bill. This person is NOT your friend, however they can be a little bit difficult to identify. Here are 5 signs you have a frenemy and how to cut them out of your life for good. Have you ever had an idea of something you wanted to do.

It could be anything. Perhaps, you wanted to start running or start a book club? Maybe you wanted to buy this dress you saw. This is a huge sign that you have a frenemy. Whenever you mention an idea or thought you have that you want to do, this person always finds something negative to say about it. I really want to run a half marathon before the year ends!

You could hurt yourself, or get knee pain.

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Find out their motives, and if they brush it off, their motives are not good. Stop talking to them immediately. However, more times than not I felt pretty uncomfortable with the comments they would say. I was constantly picked on like we were in middle school and they were bullies. Guess what happened? They stopped talking to me! Their only goal was to make fun of me and make me feel like I was worth less than I am.

Can You Trust Her? 7 Signs Your Friend is Really a Frenemy

NOT okay. People like this thrive on the drama, and love to create it where there is none. I had a friend that would constantly complain to me about her other friends.

I mean almost every single day. Also known as the One-Upper. This kind of person will always have to do everything better than you. If you ran a mile today, they ran three or claim they did.